Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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