So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
