4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
