Ketchup is God's man juice
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize