If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
