my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
