Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
