Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
