Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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