my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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