You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
