i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize