Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
