I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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