i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
