I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
