We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
