I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
