TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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