i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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