Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
