What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
