he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dicks are not precious.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
