So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
