Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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