Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
