Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
