Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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