i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize