new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
