I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
