I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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