who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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