We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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