Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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