I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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