so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
