Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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