shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize