I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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