SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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