She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
