He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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