and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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