i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
