OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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