just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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