my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's the barista slut.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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