i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
