my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
