Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
