He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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