Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
