i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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