Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
