do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
