Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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