Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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