we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
