The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
