So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
