1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
