Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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