Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
